You know the ones. The ones who will cut your throat if you dare to place your mat on "their spot". On an average week, I go to three yoga classes, at three different branches of my gym, with two different instructors. Every class has its regulars, and people gravitate toward their favorite spots. I'm no exception - I admit to having "my spot" and to being bummed if someone beats me to it. I will even try to "scootch in" with other people, so that I can get something close to my spot (for the record: the front row so I can correct my posture in the mirror, but not on the crack between mirror panels, on the side of the room closest to the door but a couple spots over from the instructor. Yeah, I'm not particular at all...). In two of my three regular classes, this isn't usually a problem. I'm usually able to get my spot, and people are willing to scoot around so that everyone can see the mirror and no-one's bumping arms when we swan dive into forward fold. Maybe some of the people in those classes even classify me as one of the AYLs, (I will admit it - that which bugs me about others is probably something I don't like in myself) but I really do try to work with other people in a friendly manner so we can all have a spot that makes us happy.
What I am not: one of those people who likes to barge into the room and unfurl their mat before the preceding class has had a chance to put away their equipment. One of those people who will actually ask someone to move out of their spot. One of those people who will refuse to "scootch" when asked. Those are the ladies at my wednesday yoga class. They actually had to install a guard at the door (a hapless gym employee) so that the frontrunner AYL would stop barrelling into the room the second the music ended in the class before ours. With the herd mentality that overcomes humans in such situations, once one person enters that room, the rest immediately surge forward so as not to be left behind. I was even shoved once, I kid you not. After a few weeks of the guard, the frontrunner cooled her jets a bit and would let the prior class - mostly - put away their weights and mats, and our class was no longer guarded. Still, you can feel the energy shift the second the weightlifting class ends - sometimes even before. People start scooting closer and closer to the door, the natives becoming restless. Once the frontrunner breaks the barrier of the door jamb, all bets are off. The frontrunner runs to the front of the room and stakes her claim, and that of her slightly slower friend, by throwing both mats down. My problem is not with the frontrunner as such (although she is the one that asked me to move out of her spot the first time I attended this particular class and didn't know the dealio - she must have been late that day). No, I'm willing to breathe, let it go, and let her have the spot if it means that much to her. My problem is with her friend. The friend usually nabs the spot I'm after (I'm just not willing to give in to the aggression and race her for it). I used to naively try to share space with AYL #2. I put a smile on my face and asked if we could share the mirror panel (necessitating her to move a little to the left - she was planted in the center of the panel) so that I wouldn't be staring at the crack (it throws off your balance, in case you're wondering why the big deal). She told me that she didn't want to be on a crack either and moved her mat about an eighth of an inch. She was about a foot from the crack - there was plenty of room to share. I kept smiling and thanked her for her accomodation. She suggested I move to a spot on the other side of the room. Oh, now it's on! Passive-aggressive doesn't work when it comes up against plain old aggressive!
I am trying to be the nicer, bigger person here without being a total doormat. I still try for that spot on the mirror, but I set up a little bit staggered behind AYL #2. I'm a little close to her mat for both of our comfort, but since I'm staggered back we don't bump into each-other. If she just scooted a little to the left, she would still be nowhere near the mirror crack and we'd both have plenty of room, but apparently to suggest this is anathema. I've given up. I refuse to move to the other side of the room (it's just as crowded, the spot she was suggesting was even more cramped than the one I was trying to occupy, and who knows what kinds of AYLs are over there?). I am letting the bullies win, but only up to a point. They will just have to deal with me sharing their mirror panels. If I am a fly in their ointment, so be it. It's good for them. :)
It's good practice for me - I have a tendency to get too attached to things, including "my" yoga spot. This class is a weekly reminder that I can let that go, that I can be in a spot slightly more cramped and slightly behind where I'd like to be, and it's okay - I still get a great yoga session. I feel myself getting anxious about the weekly encounter with these ladies, and I practice letting go of that anxiety. Neither AYL #1 or #2 will budge an inch on where they want to be, so that forces inflexible me to be the flexible one and adjust what I want to fit what I can get. It's good for me, I suppose. I could always throw an elbow or sprint ahead of those ladies, but it's not worth it. I don't want to become one of them, and encountering them each week is a good reminder of that.
I'm sure they don't see themselves as AYLs, just as I don't see myself as one. I'm sure they don't think they're being at all unreasonable. I don't know if they see the irony in racing to stake out their spot for a class that's supposed to be about calm, and about letting go of competition. I need to stop being an AYL for long enough to realize that I can't teach them that lesson. I can just angle for my spot and hope for the best!
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