image credit: thisnext.com
No, I said KNOWN, not GNOME.... but we'll come back to my little friend in a bit.
I recently re-read my own post, Meditation for Dummies. At the end, I had a note to myself to discuss the Unhappy Known versus the Happy Unknown. I've gotten busy and sidetracked along the way and haven't really gotten back to this topic in any depth. But the idea has recently cropped back up in my life, so I thought I'd give it a go...
It's not an easy topic to write about in a coherent way. It's also not easy to deal with in life. I came across one of those Facebook "memes" that had a little flowchart. It said, "Are you happy?" You could pick Yes or No. If you picked Yes, the flowchart told you to keep doing whatever you were doing. If you said No, the chart told you to "Change Something." Simple, right?
Not so simple to put into practice. If happiness were easy, everyone would do it, I suppose. I was miserable in my former lifestyle, yet I stayed for years. It was the Unhappy Known. I may have been unhappy,but at least I knew how to do that! The Unknown.... maybe there was happiness there, but it required a leap of faith, with no guarantee that the Unknown would be any better.
The thing is, once you get used to the Unhappy Known, you begin to think there is no other way. Anytime you contemplate change, the mind rebels. The voices (let's call them the Fear Gnomes) start yelling at you that you couldn't possibly change. You want to be happy, but changing the Unhappy Known is too scary. You may want a romantic partner, but going out there to meet someone is too scary. It is the Unknown. Even if it might be a Happy Unknown, the mind doesn't want that. Instead, it tells you that you will never find a romantic partner because you are unloveable. Even though this is an awful thing to think about yourself, if it is the Unhappy Known; you know how to do that. And continuing something you know how to do is always easier than making a change. So you believe that you are unloveable, and unconsciously do things that will fulfill that prophecy. Now, not only do you get to stay in the Unhappy Known, you get to be RIGHT! See? I told you I was unloveable, and here I am without love. If you changed that story, if you were actually Happy, well then you would have to admit that you were wrong.
The Fear Gnomes also love to yell about career change. You say you're unhappy? You want to change careers? Well, who are you to think that? You trained for 12 years to get here, what makes you think you can even DO anything else? You then begin to believe that you really can't do anything else - that nothing else will make enough money to pay the school loans, or the mortgage. You don't know how to do anything else, now that you are so highly specialized. So you stay where you are, unhappy, with only the Fear Gnomes for company. But hey, you get to be RIGHT! And that's always cool... right?
Those Fear Gnomes are loud little suckers. But guess what? They're just scared. They are just, in their own counterproductive way, trying to protect you. Give them some love, and let them know you appreciate their concern for your welfare, but it's time to try something new. The Unknown may or may not have the secret to happiness, but if you stay where you are, you are guaranteed Unhappiness.
So go on - take a hammer to that loud little Gnome and break him into pieces. Or better yet, thank him for his concern. He is, after all, just trying to do his job. Thank him for that, but reassure him that you've got it from here. It's time for him to go take some more of those vacation photos.
