Stupid/Clever/Brave

A wise man once said, "there's a fine line between stupid and clever."  Oh wait, it was Nigel from Spinal Tap.

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When I tell people that I left the practice of medicine, many respond with a comment that I was brave, or courageous, or some similar descriptor, to make that decision. I always wonder if "brave" means "stupid," and they're just trying to come across as positive... but they're really thinking, "why would she go and do a dumb thing like that?"

Why would someone voluntarily walk away from a lucrative career, especially after spending years (and a small fortune in loans) getting there? I am sure the answer is slightly different for anyone who has made such a move, so I can only answer for myself. And my answer is that I was deeply unhappy (that's the very short version). And I think it was both stupid and brave of me to make that decision and to act on it.

Stupid because I have loans to pay back. Stupid because I have a hefty mortgage on a house that's taken a nosedive in value since I bought it. Stupid because there were parts of my job that I loved. But brave for all those reasons, too. Brave because I made the decision to get out, rather than spending the next 30 years in unhappiness, feeling trapped, counting the hours until retirement. Brave because I decided to take my future into my own hands instead of letting the medical culture, society, or anyone else tell me what I "should" do, what was expected of me. Brave because I chose not to listen to people who thought I was stupid. (mostly they were too polite to tell me to my face, but come on, you can tell when people think you're off your rocker...)

I would like to appropriate Sir Nigel's (surely he must have been knighted by now!) statement and claim that there is a fine line between bravery and foolhardiness. Perhaps it was foolhardy to take on the financial risk of quitting my career. But I feel that the foolhardiness would have been greater in staying. My mental health, my soul, is worth more to me. I have had more than one person tell me that they "lost their soul" somewhere along the path to practicing medicine. More than one person used those identical words. And so I chose to stop. To find my soul again. To find my sanity again. To cherish my marriage. And I think that was rather clever, if I do say so myself.